


Look Me in the Eye and Tell Me It’s Not My Fault

by stvrmxra



Category: The 100
Genre: Aftermath of 5x07, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Zaven is canon but they don’t know it yet, trashing Echo for the most part, zaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 06:45:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15018971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stvrmxra/pseuds/stvrmxra
Summary: Raven has never felt more guilty in her entire life.Watching Shaw get pushed into the table and beaten right in front of her tear-filled eyes made her feel shittier than she ever had before.And even worse, the way he scowled at her as he walked by showed her that he knew it was her fault, too.





	Look Me in the Eye and Tell Me It’s Not My Fault

Raven has never felt more guilty in her entire life. 

Watching Shaw get pushed into the table and beaten right in front of her tear-filled eyes makes her feel shittier than she ever has before. 

And even worse, the way he scowls at her as he walks by shows her that he knows it’s her fault, too. 

Raven narrows her eyes, glancing to Echo as the woman lifts her chin, then watching the Pilot intently as he stumbles onto the cot furthest away from the gathered group of defectors.

A stray tear slides down her cheek, and she wipes it away sullenly, her heart filled with regret.

Raven feels a soft hand on her left shoulder and flinches away, wishing she could tell herself it was because she didn’t know who it was.

“We had to, Raven.” 

She has to hold in her scoff.

“No, Echo,” she says in a low voice, turning to look her in the eye. “We didn’t.”

Before she can say anything else, Raven stands to her full height and steps through the same walkway that Shaw had what feels to her like hours ago. 

Inhaling a calming breath, she moves her brown eyes in search for the man with wounds that have her name stamped across them in bold red letters. Her eyes settle on him sitting with his back facing her, his button up uniform newly shed and to uncover a white t-shirt. In his hands he grasps a small towel streaked with red that he dabs on his forehead and chin to clean off the blood.

Raven’s stomach feels uneasy as she thinks of how to approach him; should she act guilty? Apologetic? 

Stopping a few feet away from the man who seems oblivious to her presence, she breathes in deeply before stepping a couple inches closer. Raven watches as Shaw’s shoulders tense and his hands cease their cleaning. He doesn’t turn around or say anything, though, and after a couple seconds of a nearly unbearable silence, he goes back to purifying his face like she wasn’t even there. 

Raven clenches her hands into fists, trying to lull the voices in her head screaming at her that those bruises and cuts are her fault. _That’s not true!_ she wants to yell, cry to the top of the trees, but she knows very well that he wouldn’t be a prisoner in this church if wasn’t for her.

Summoning all her courage, she steps around the bed he’s sitting on and sits quickly on the one in front of him. She peeks at him through her lashes and meets his brown eyes, and she can’t help the nervous butterflies that flutter in her stomach at the straight up betrayal reflected in them.

“I’m sorry,” she says, knowing it was the shittiest thing she could have said. “I didn’t want this to happen.”

“Oh yeah?” he starts bitterly, leaning his elbows on his knees. “What did you want to happen, then?” 

His question shocks her into silence. What was she expecting when she told Echo about him? She should have known Echo would take the quickest route to helping their friends and gaining Octavia’s trust, no matter whom she had to hurt in the process.

“I...” she tries to think of what to say to make everything right, but for the first time, she can’t. 

“Was that it the whole time? Did you just wait until you found out I’ve done bad things before, that I’m not a good guy?” The self loathing on his face is evident, and she knows that he can see the same thing toward herself mirrored on her features. 

She looks down at her hands clasped tightly in her lap, and she smoothes them over her jeans while sitting back. “That doesn’t make you a bad guy. We’ve all done terrible things for our people.” She winces at her words, a rush of memories from the last seven years replaying in her head. 

Raven looks up to see the creases in his face softer than they had been, and his steely eyes asking silent questions that maybe she’ll be able to answer some day. “This is no different.”

He looks taken aback as he straightens his muscular shoulders. “How is this no different?” 

She looks down at her hands again realizing that they’re shaking, and she clenches her fists. “A woman I was on the Ring with came in with the defectors. I told her we could trust you, and I trusted her not to tell Diyoza.” She can feel the heat on her cheeks as he stares at her, but she doesn’t dare look up. “I swear to God I made it clear ratting you out wasn’t an option, but she did it anyway,” she adds quietly, rubbing her eyes with her fingers to avoid his hard stare. 

“You didn’t tell Diyoza?” He asks softly, so quiet that she has to look up. His eyes were gentle, so light that she knows he’s never looked at her like this before. 

“No, I didn’t,” she says, her cheeks a light shade of pink. She silently thanks whatever God may exist that he didn’t bring up how any of this would help her people. 

He seems to take that she didn’t do it into account, his eyes raking over her face.

“But I could have stopped it,” she points out, self deprecatingly. “Diyoza sent me to the bridge to prove it was you and I could have lied. I could have done something to stop this, to stop that bitch from hurting you. I’m so sorry, Zeke.”

A tear falls down her cheek, and she makes no move to wipe it away as she lets her face drop toward the ground. A mere second flies by before she feels sturdy fingers below her jaw, right above the shock collar and the scars she’s sure it’ll leave behind. 

“You said you didn’t tell Diyoza,” he says quietly, their brown eyes clashing. “It wasn’t you. By what I’m hearing, you trusted your friend, and the bitch told for her own benefit, probably being trusted by Diyoza. You weren’t the one to tell, it’s not your fault.” 

Raven feels a sudden swell of affection rising in her chest, and she can’t help but let the corner of her mouth turn up into a ghost of a smile. Sitting there with Zeke looking at her tenderly, passionately reassuring her that it isn’t her fault he’s locked up opened something deep inside her, and she doesn’t think she wants it to go away. 

Her heart flips as his eyes meet hers again, and a sudden charge initiates in the space between them, and maybe, just maybe, everything will work itself out.

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda trashy, but yet I’m still proud of it. I’m so soft for Zaven already I just


End file.
